Okay, I will get right on that, Chief! Wait, crap…I hear Mommy on the porch already. I thought she had a date. She will probably be sad and I will have to make her feel better. My jobs NEVER end. I hope she didn’t hear me…oh wait, duh! Dixie, you’re such a dummy sometimes – Mommy can’t hear me. I was talking in my secret agent voice under the blankie.
I run to greet Mommy and…WHO THE HELL IS THIS NOW? I am speaking the language of my people so he will know I mean business. Oh wait, Mommy seems to like him. Well then maybe he is good for a belly rub. WHAT?? This jerk just walked off without even noticing my belly! I know you can’t see it because you’re in the computer, but it’s a nice one. I have a bad feeling about this jerk already.
Before I can say another peep, Mommy puts my harness on and drags me outside for a pee pee. I wonder if that nice guy across the street is home – sure just keep pulling on me and dislocating my back – who’s going to protect the neighborhood from the badgers if…oh my dog…what if that jerk inside is a badger??
Wow, Mommy almost fell bringing me up the porch steps. I think she has another case of the “wobblies.” I’m not sure how she gets like that but sometimes when this happens she gets sick and throws up like I do under the couch when I eat weird food, like my toys’ noses and ears, or that fuzzy stuff on the floor.
I gobble my treat, which Mommy rudely threw at me, and run into the other room back under the blankie. I have worked hard all day and I need some rest. I turn off my secret agent radar and settle in– sheesh. Mommy went to look for the jerk – he could be digging a hole in the family room, but I like my little bed in Mommy’s office. Hopefully all is well…
Hmm… what’s going on in there? Grr… maybe I should suddenly appear with a carcass of one my recent toy murders to scare the pants off him. You know, Mommy gets upset when I kill my toys, but how about that show she’s been watching? Oh my dog…they are chopping off heads and ripping out the squeakers left and right. I wonder if any of those bad guys are badgers in disguise – probably not because I don’t see a single wiener dog in that show and it would be SO much more realistic if my ancient brothers and sisters were fighting with that guy…Rag something and that tough lady…Mommy could learn from her and she wouldn’t need my protection when she brings all these JERKS home.
Let’s see – this dead chicken with the eyeballs ripped out oughta scare the pants off him. I jump out from under the blankie and assume the Secret Agent Dixie pose – chest out, teeth bared and the cool lion’s mane on my neck sticking up. I just need to run around the corner into the…HOLY CRAP, he’s not WEARING pants…GRRRR……..