Meet Ronald Joseph Ratzenberger, the much maligned, but barely seen, ex-husband of Claire from There Are No Men. Ron is a UPS driver, and for the most part is satisfied with his line of work, as well as his muscular physique, earned from years of working out his body more than his mind. He’s also thirty-five, and as a reminder, met Claire in high school. He was on the football team, struggling in English class, and she was the pretty blond who was a lot smarter than she looked. However, after almost twenty years of dealing with Claire’s intense emotions, he’s almost accepting of her decision to end their marriage, after a series of pregnancy losses led to her hysterectomy, and the end of their fertility as a couple.
But not quite. More and more, Ron is seeing that the grass was greener on the other side, and he plots to win back Claire’s affections. Like Claire, he is struggling with dating as an adult. After indulging in what he missed out on for years, he’s coming up empty on the ‘eligible woman’ front. Caught up in some unhealthy romantic situations, he yearns for the simpler times of his marriage, and his beautiful but exasperating wife’s affections.
Or maybe he’s just lazy, selfish and immature, and seeks the path of least resistance. Ron prides himself on being level-headed, wise and soooo good for Claire, but is he convincing anybody except for his well-meaning, but equally misguided, buddies?
You can decide for yourself, as you read all about the situations that are causing Ron to lose sleep…and possibly his own mind…in Dazed & Divorced, Book 1 in the Rom-Com on the Edge series.
Again, a special thanks to the ladies at Novel Escapes for their funny and thought-provoking interview questions. You can check out their blog, and my author interview here:
- Chips, chocolate or cheese?
I don’t put any of those poisons in my body. Okay, maybe a little coffee…but that’s only to keep me awake at my very physical job. I’ve been having a little trouble sleeping lately, but it’s not because of Claire. Or any women, unless it’s because I’m getting some…wait, is Claire going to see this? And yeah, cheese on nachos is okay as an indulgence after an especially hard workout.
- Bridget Jones, Becky Bloomwood or Carrie Bradshaw?
What kind of stupid questions are you asking me? I don’t know these women – I fully intend to get my wife back. What? Oh, they’re characters, like in those stupid books Claire reads? Now I remember the one – Carrie is one of those whining losers on that stupid show with all the slutty…and Bridget Jones was the drunk British chick…what complete crap. Hopefully Claire doesn’t identify with any of these women. What happened to all of that ‘literature’ she pushed on me when she was in college?
- Wine, beer or vodka?
Again, I severely limit the poison I put in my body. Guys my age are banging back the beers, working on their guts. No thanks. I’ve worked too hard to stay in shape. And as for Claire, she can’t drink at all without getting wasted, weepy and sick. It’s a bad combo.
- Camping or spa vacation?
What the hell is a spa vacation? And why did Claire think she needed strangers to relax her when she had me? And I would love to go camping, but the rants about peeing in the woods and sleeping with bugs get old.
- Water or mountains?
I love the water, but unfortunately Claire can’t swim. That would be tolerable, except she also claims to love the water. I know she’s not bipolar, but that makes zero sense. I’m hoping to get her on a camping trip so she can experience some real hiking. Nothing to be afraid of there, and she could use a little exercise with all those donuts she’s always secretly eating.
- Zombies or vampires?
Who wrote these questions? What does this have to do with me, or getting Claire back?
- Dogs or cats?
I’m really not crazy over either one, but Claire needed a puppy. It’s the only way to satisfy her maternal instinct, and get her off my back about…well, everything. I was an asshole when I suggested it, but lucky for me her nosy best friend butted in and got her to adopt a wiener dog. Now to get back with Claire before the dog destroys the entire house…wait, is Claire going to read this? You’re not answering me. Oh, I see. You ask the questions. Typical woman behavior…
- Coke or Pepsi?
Once again – poison! And another one of Claire’s addictions. But instead of thanking me for showing her the path to health, everyone complains about how controlling I am.
- Coffee or tea?
One more dumb question and I’ve got to go. What time is it in Russia right now? Oh, I don’t…just wondering…there’s a game on between the…so, next question?
- Dine out or take away?
I would prefer a home-cooked, healthy meal, but Claire can’t…I mean, she works hard and doesn’t have to worry about feeding me.
- High heels, sneakers or flip flops?
Women should wear heels, unless they’re in bed. I know some guys like that, but if you’re dealing with an uncoordinated woman, you could lose an eye. And sneakers when working out, of course.
- Physical Book or ebook?
Pointless, unless you are sick, disabled or incredibly old. Movies are way better, and if you need to learn something, YouTube has everything.
13. Drama or comedy?
I love movies, especially action flicks. Real life has way more than enough drama, and most comedy is just stupid.
- Twilight or Hunger Games?
Seriously, if this interview isn’t over soon, I have to go.
- Lipstick, lipgloss or chapstick?
I wish women would just stop putting shit on their lips. And what kind of a real man uses chapstick?
- Facebook or Twitter?
I live in the real world, and I need to get back to it. If I get back to my apartment before…never mind, just make sure Claire doesn’t see my answers until after we get back together, which should be very soon.